I'm not often like this especially when my husband is at home with me all day on weekends. He completes my day. Being with him is all that matters.
But not today. It was like one of those days again of restlessness. My mind was like running 150 mph like I just had my 3rd cup of strong espresso. Funny thing was, I didn't have any coffee. My thoughts seemed running wild. I couldn't even catch or keep-up with it.
There was a rapid beating on my chest. Spontaneous sighs was all it ever made.
Maybe wearing myself out could subside my restlessness. I sat on the floor made some crafty project. Its funny to think that though my hands, eyes and mind were at work, my thoughts were still drifting away. It felt like my heart was not cooperating.
I tried to read some books. It eluded my mind to a temporal escape for a chapter or two. It was suppose to be an interesting novel, but then again, my concentration slowly drifted away into a series of images of thoughts blurring out what i was reading. I thought its amazing how brain works. I was aware of words and sentences that I was reading but at the same time could think of something else. We got a shelf- full of great books, but not even bestseller could tame my thoughts.
I put down the book and ran over to my computer. Maybe writing a chapter of the book i was working on would calm my un-tamable thoughts. The idea got my dilemma worse, like from a small harmless sand devil turned into a raging tornado. My brain just kept on coming-up with different concepts, stories of fiction and non fictions. Stories that I don't know how to end and philosophies that I'm not sure if generally acceptable.
BAH! Forget writing! It only confused me more!
I am sure I wanted to do something but I don't know what it was. Read? Craft project? Write? I was too overwhelmed and became incapable to do anything. Then, there was a sudden feeling of emptiness crept in my heart out of nowhere. My heart longs for something else. Was it something I want? Or something more of me wants?
But there was one thing I haven't done yet. I turned to my one year bible reading plan. The next thing I knew was I was in focus and enjoying the scriptures telling of God's glorious works.
For the first time, I felt the God's word was active and alive and the only one who could tame my raging spirit.
But it didn't end there. I wanted to express it somehow...some way, and the only way I could was through writing down my thoughts of praise.
Then finally after writing the last word, everything went peaceful.
Restlessness is often associated with negativity but this is the type of restlessness that I always want and is healthy for my spirit.