Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Finding My True Calling

Image from Graphics Fairy

God's children are called to give best in everything they do and in any situations. Passion and joy confirm the True Calling.

Introductions became pressuring when I became a Physicist’s wife. After Jon overwhelmed the people with his profession, they turn to me with anticipation asked me what I do for living that that impresses this man of intellect. If only there is an impressive way to say I am a stay home wife. I simply gave up. So I just shook their hands as say "I have nothing smart to say".

I was proud of what I have accomplished. I taught English class in spite of no background on Education studies. When financial necessity called, I shifted to call center career for higher pay, but eventually pursued a writing position for a broadcasting network. Each job had a special place in my heart. I enjoyed all the work. I put my heart and dedication to each of them. I made so much friends. I was earning on my own. I enjoyed the feeling of independence. I was able explore my individuality. Then after, marriage turned my life in a different direction.

My life now revolves around house chores. There were several times when everything is clean and there's nothing else to do, I would stay on bed until sundown, wait until the day is finished and wait until another comes. I spent many worthless mornings feeling sorry for myself. When Jon sets off to work,I did not like the thought of waking up in an empty apartment with an empty heart. Have I lost my true calling?

Job hunt became tough for me since I moved to foreign country that is just recovering from recession. I have applied to as many job vacancies available but no one ever called back. This reality struck my pride face down that triggered a feeling of self-worthlessness and lie that a person's value is determined by tittle and figure of salary. It led me to question my value as human being. Have I been missing my true calling?

These thoughts led me to meditate on a passage of the book My Utmost the the Highest.

"God delivers us from sin— we have to deliver ourselves from our individuality. This means offering our natural life to God and sacrificing it to Him, so He may transform it into spiritual life through our obedience." - Oswald Chambers

God showed my heart's selfish desire to uplift myself up to heal my broken pride without realizing I was after pleasing others expectations and my pride's delight rather than how God wants to mold me. His silence to my prayers was the answer while words in the bible comforted my heart with hope that my present situation holds a vital part in transforming my character into life of obedience.

Home may not be the best place for career promotions or salary bonuses but I know I am called to do my best here at this present situation. One thing that surprises is, I like being at home. Looking beyond chores, there is a distinct feeling that home is where my heart wants to be. I like the idea that house is happier if someone is taking care of it. It has been my dream to live in a happier home and the people live in it will someday say “There's no place like my home”.

I was raised in a home where love of husband and wife was lost that resulted to a broken, empty home, This memory gives meaning to see beyond house chores. It encourages me to do the best I can in every little thing I do.

But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; (1 Peter 1:15 NIV)

I know my calling does not end here for where I am is where I am called. As I search for my true calling, I am called to give my best in whatever I do and whatever situation I am in. I tried to ignore what pleases other and focused what pleases God. He is more concerned with the prosperity of my spiritual obedience than my individuality.

Where God will take me next?... I shall see.